A humorous look at the most ridiculously irritating SEO quotes I’ve “EVER” heard…

Image from SXC.hu

Having worked in the SEO field for many years – I have heard some real clangers in terms of SEO.

Below, I’ve listed the most ridiculously irritating SEO quotes I’ve heard and graded these out of 10 just for pure comedy value.

“We work with Google”

So in a nutshell what this means is they use Google products like Adwords and Analytics – this doesn’t mean they work with Google – it’s just a very good spin on words.

Comedy score: 9/10

“I know how the Google Algorithm works”

If the above is the case, why aren’t they and their client’s ranked number 1 for everything?

Comedy score: 8/10

“We can guarantee #1 position on Google”

Put simply, no one can! Maybe if you target a term like “kangaroos wearing pink jumpsuits, sunglasses and a wig” you might, but who in there right mind is going to search for that?

Comedy score: 11/10

“Blackhat SEO is a recommended technique”

If it was, we’d all be doing it! Google has set out some great and basic guidelines in this guide including some dos and don’ts

Comedy score: 7/10

“Tables are better than CSS for SEO”

I quite like tables, especially for tabular data – but for an entire website? CSS is much quicker and loads faster – something which Google likes - remember the caffeine update?

Comedy score: 6/10

“Buying links is a legitimate technique”

In my 10 years of working in search field, the only link I have ever purchased is a Yahoo Directory link. I never buy links whatever the keyword may be, everything is achievable, you just need a lot of time and patience with SEO.

Comedy score: 6/10

“You’re far better targeting Bing over Google”

I like Bing and according to Hitwise, more people are using it, but here in the UK, over 90% of web users use Google compared to 5% who use Bing.

Comedy score: 8/10

“Google can’t read web content within bullet points”

What, that is crazy and believe it or not I heard this only a few months ago! Google CAN read bullet points and even things that look like they aren’t in bullet points; they probably are because of CSS styling.

Comedy score: 8/10

“Did you know Google offers SEO services”

No they don’t, and over the past few years, people I have spoken to have said they have had calls claiming this – let’s be straight on this, if they did, every business in the land would use them.

Comedy score: 10/10

“Change all of the META titles to read the same”

I heard this only a week ago, the person that said this claimed it helped with keyword targeting – crazy! In Webmaster Tools it flags duplicate META titles as an error.

Comedy score: 8/10

and finally…

Have you heard any frustrating SEO quotes? Leave them in the comments box below.

This post was written by , Dave is a digital marketer specialising in SEO and PPC, and can be followed on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn and Google+.

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